her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
