the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
