Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
