The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
