I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
