look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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