What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
