smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
