They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I believe in your delicious
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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