So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
