Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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