bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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