last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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