I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
