bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
