the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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