It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
