My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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