Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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