This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
