Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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