Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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