If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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