Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
