Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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