Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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