So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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