Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
