I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
