So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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