I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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