"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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