omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
