I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
