I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
