My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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