I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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