The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
