Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
