Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
