i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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