her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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