it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
