How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
