you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
