happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
