hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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