Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
