Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
