wanna go halves on a baby?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
