I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
