does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
