So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
