So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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