His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
